Sunday, 21 April 2013
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Living in Exile- Lesbianfamily.com
I submit our story to Lesbian Family for a Lawfully Wedded Life series they are posting every week this spring and this week they posted it! There are so many people in the LGBT community who have similar stories and many more that didn't have the opportunities that we do and we need to keep this issue at the forefront. You can read the story on Lesbian Family here or just look below!
All of us know that love tends to find you when you least expect it. I would never have thought that for me it would come in the form of a Lithuanian girl in small town Wisconsin. Our story starts when we were both twenty years old working at a family restaurant in a tourist town. Neither of us knew what would happen at the end of that summer when we both returned to our respective universities but we lived each day to the fullest. At the end of that summer we had a tearful goodbye unsure of where our futures would lead.
Living in Exile
All of us know that love tends to find you when you least expect it. I would never have thought that for me it would come in the form of a Lithuanian girl in small town Wisconsin. Our story starts when we were both twenty years old working at a family restaurant in a tourist town. Neither of us knew what would happen at the end of that summer when we both returned to our respective universities but we lived each day to the fullest. At the end of that summer we had a tearful goodbye unsure of where our futures would lead.
Last month Lina and I celebrated our five year wedding anniversary. We had a Civil Partnership in London, England in a small ceremony with our close friends. Lina and I are a binational couple and due to the inequalities in the United States federal laws it wasn’t possible for Lina and I to be together in the USA. I was forced to make the decision to leave the only place that I have called home or to leave the woman I love. After leaving college in I applied for a student work visa and moved to London. When I moved to the UK I was sure that I would be here less than five years. I had faith that the American people and government would catch up with much of the rest of the world and grant equal rights to same-sex couples. This summer I will have been in the UK for six years.
Having a Civil Partnership in the UK grants a person equal rights in all areas except a ceremony cannot be held in a church. It’s looking like soon same-sex marriage will also be legal and we could apply to have our civil partnership transferred to be a marriage. Having the right to have a Civil Partnership granted me the ability to immigrate to the UK. When we have children, both of our names will be on the birth certificate without jumping through any extra hoops or going through any adoption procedures.
A couple of years ago I stumbled upon the term ‘exile’ in relation to binational same-sex couples. Before then although it was clear that I was living abroad due to discrimination I hadn’t actually thought about the fact that I was forced to live in exile. It’s astounding that I, an American born and raised, am currently living in exile due to my sexual orientation.
Recently the need for equality for same-sex couples in immigration has been in the national news. It has made us beyond happy that this issue is finally brought to the forefront in the LGBT community as well as to the US on the whole. There are so many couples torn apart or living with the fear of deportation because of the lack of federal acknowledgment of LGBT rights. There are couples like us living in exile throughout the world, thousands of Americans forced to leave their county because of discrimination and prejudice.
Living thousands of miles and an ocean away from home has been difficult. Lina and I will soon be ready to have children and expand our family. The thought that my parents may only be able to see my children once or twice a year is heartbreaking for me.
In America and most countries around the world a couple’s rights are earned through the legal act of marriage. These rights may include benefits, property rights, ability to make healthcare decisions, rights as a non-biological parent, or right to immigration status in the country of your partner. Some American states have granted equal rights to LGBT couples through marriage or domestic partnerships but all of this is still at a state level. America needs federal laws which support same-sex couples. As long as marriage is the vessel for so many important rights the fight for same-sex marriage needs to be a huge part of our activism as a community.
In our family although marriage is a romantic statement we made to each other and to show the world our love, Marriage is first and foremost the opportunity which gave us equal rights and the ability to be together.
For more information and resources about immigration equality for the LGBT community visit http://immigrationequality.org/
Monday, 25 March 2013
The Happiness Project
I recently finished The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben. I started it months ago but put it down at some point for another fictional novel. I was really happy I picked it up again the other day. It was just what I needed at the right time.
Gretchen writes about a year long project that she planned and carried out. She did loads of research and reading and decided to spend each month of the year on different areas of her life such as her home, her parenting, her work, and her hobbies. Her plans were carefully based on happiness research and theories.
What I liked about this book is that it is very down to earth. She tries out different ways to change her ways of thinking and takes different chances she wouldn't ordinarily have taken. She doesn't have back story and her life is one that most of us would love to have but she wasn't as happy as wanted to be. It's a story about a regular woman making practical changes in her life to live more positively.
I also liked that it had tips and exercises and she shared her charts and how to set up your own happiness project. The book is easy to read, accessible, and I felt I got a lot of out of it.
Gretchen started a blog as part of this project that she still updates regularly at www.happiness-project.com and she also released a further book, Happier at Home, last year.
Sunday, 24 March 2013
Some new starts...
The past few months have been a whirlwind full of changes. It's been a roller coaster of emotions for me but more and more I'm realizing how positive these changes have been on my life.
In the beginning of January I returned early from our Lithuanian trip to go to a job interview with a women's organization in Brighton. I blanked a bit in the interview and wasn't originally offered the job. Luck would have it that one of the people who were offered the role turned it down so a couple of weeks later I got the job. It was pretty difficult to deal with my emotions at the time of failure, of leaving a job I was comfortable with, in taking a risk financially by taking the new job, and generally in stepping out of my comfort zone. I've noticed in the past years that I've unfortunately become more adverse to change. I do wish I was more of the girl today that got on an airplane with two luggage and moved her life to the UK.
All in all, taking that risk and taking the new role has been just what I needed. Immediately after making the decision I knew that my time was up working for Refuge. I hadn't admit to myself that for awhile already I hadn't been challenged and was lacking motivation in my current role. I wasn't able to make any lasting friendships with my colleagues and I had really stagnated where I was. I suppose it's always easier to see the cracks and imperfections in your life from a couple of steps back. These realizations made it much simpler for me to step away from Refuge and have my fresh start.
I have also been offered a job working for a young people's foyer as a Relief Support Worker. It is just what I need at the moment as it is a flexible role which I also think that I can learn a lot from. The organization is very client-focused and the residents are engaged and I hope to start in the next few weeks!
As usual with life when you open yourself up for new things you get more than you bargain for. Working in Brighton has already bettered my wellbeing by having more time. I no longer spend 3 hours a day commuting to and from work and this change has given me more time to spend with Lina, to sleep, and to eat properly. It's also given me plenty of time to think about what I want in my life and what makes me happy. It's given me time to finally join the gym and get more involved in what is going on in Brighton. Now I just have to make sure to make the most of my time and keep the momentum going.
In the beginning of January I returned early from our Lithuanian trip to go to a job interview with a women's organization in Brighton. I blanked a bit in the interview and wasn't originally offered the job. Luck would have it that one of the people who were offered the role turned it down so a couple of weeks later I got the job. It was pretty difficult to deal with my emotions at the time of failure, of leaving a job I was comfortable with, in taking a risk financially by taking the new job, and generally in stepping out of my comfort zone. I've noticed in the past years that I've unfortunately become more adverse to change. I do wish I was more of the girl today that got on an airplane with two luggage and moved her life to the UK.
All in all, taking that risk and taking the new role has been just what I needed. Immediately after making the decision I knew that my time was up working for Refuge. I hadn't admit to myself that for awhile already I hadn't been challenged and was lacking motivation in my current role. I wasn't able to make any lasting friendships with my colleagues and I had really stagnated where I was. I suppose it's always easier to see the cracks and imperfections in your life from a couple of steps back. These realizations made it much simpler for me to step away from Refuge and have my fresh start.
I have also been offered a job working for a young people's foyer as a Relief Support Worker. It is just what I need at the moment as it is a flexible role which I also think that I can learn a lot from. The organization is very client-focused and the residents are engaged and I hope to start in the next few weeks!
As usual with life when you open yourself up for new things you get more than you bargain for. Working in Brighton has already bettered my wellbeing by having more time. I no longer spend 3 hours a day commuting to and from work and this change has given me more time to spend with Lina, to sleep, and to eat properly. It's also given me plenty of time to think about what I want in my life and what makes me happy. It's given me time to finally join the gym and get more involved in what is going on in Brighton. Now I just have to make sure to make the most of my time and keep the momentum going.
I have loads more to say about life at the moment but I'll leave it at that for now. Despite my fear of change I can acknowledge that it brings opportunities that you were not even aware of and I really hope that I can use it the best I can!
Venice
This past weekend Lina and I took a belated anniversary trip to Venice, Italy. We've wanted to go for a long time and we finally got the opportunity! It is a really beautiful city that takes your breath away time after time. We also visited Murano (island known for glass making) and Burano (island known for lace and colorful houses). It was a trip where we were able to relax and spend quality time together and take loads of beautiful pictures!
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| Murano |
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| Burano |
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| Great contemporary art exhibition |
Sunday, 10 February 2013
Wandering... London
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| V&A |
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| Behind the OXO tower |
Sunday, 3 February 2013
A sunny winter day
A cold but sunny Saturday walk in Brighton.... Looking for inspiration in sunshine, sea, and shadows.
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Election 2012
I've kept mostly quiet about the presidential election this year. There is no doubt that everyone knows who I will support and where my political leanings lie. This is by no means meant to be the most informed article about the upcoming election but instead is about my personal sadness about the direction the USA has been heading in terms of social issues.
Reading the news, polls, debates, and friend's facebook opinions, I find myself falling further and further in despair about the state of my country. The fact that there is a chance that such a conservative, bigoted candidate has a chance of becoming president is just mind boggling to me.
There has been a lot of talk about Mitt Romney, and the Republican Party on the whole, taking huge steps backwards about women's rights. Politicians have tried to make decisions about women's ability to choose what to do with their bodies as well as what opportunities women have in terms of their own sexual health. Mitt Romney has made comments in debates about women needing flexible working hours so they are able to cook dinner and take care of the children. It is astounding that we are in the year 2012 and our nations leaders are still trying to keep women in the kitchen and popping out children.
In regards to LGBT rights and same-sex marriage Mitt Romney's website says "As president, Mitt will not only appoint an Attorney General who will defend the Defence of Marriage Act – a bipartisan law passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton – but he will also champion a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman." Mitt Romney on his values These sort of comments make me really upset on a personal level as well as deeply sad for my country. Not only does Mitt Romney want to defend DOMA (as of course marriage needs to be defended from the gays) he wants to make sure that discrimination is written into the FEDERAL constitution. The same constitution that was made in the name of freedom. This man could be the president of the United States of America. My heart is breaking.
How is Ann Coulter allowed in our media? How could she possibly have such a huge following? I can't say anything more to this without getting insanely angry but please take a look at these articles which give me a little bit of hope. A Special Olympian's response to Ann Coulter's tweet Ann Coulter's response to National Coming Out Day
In addition to the presidential election, there are also of course state elections. Four states will have same-sex marriage on the ballots. Three of these (Maine, Washington, and Maryland) are hoping for marriage equality and the fourth (Minnesota) is trying to stop a marriage ban from being written into the state constitution. These state ballots are so important because state by state we will win this. One day our federal government will have to stand up and say that the LGBT community deserve equal rights... and realize how behind the times the USA is compared to so many countries around the world. Please check out this blog who are campaigning on behalf of these four states. Also, this article by Buzzfeed.
Reading these stories and watching the videos makes me so incredibly emotional. It may be closed minded of me but I CANNOT understand how people do not believe that every person deserves equal rights. My heart physically hurts to think of so many couples who are not allowed to visit their partner in the hospital, struggle for rights to benefits, who are separated because of lack of immigration rights.... so many rights. Although this wasn't the life I would have originally chose for myself I am so thankful to be living in a country where I have the same rights as straight couples, so thankful.
Experiencing an election from outside of the USA is different than the constant immersion of political ads, news, opinions, and discussion. Living outside of the the United States, or even travelling abroad, gives you perspective. It shows you how the US and Americans are seen by the rest of the world. It also shows how different countries and cultures work and run and you are able to see what works better or worse or just differently. When speaking to to my British friends and colleagues about LGBT rights, women's rights, welfare initiatives, health care, or a plethora of other issues they are astounded about how far behind the US really is in so many ways. The USA was always known to be the front runner, pushing boundaries, the country of opportunities but this is changing.
I know this is a jumble of thoughts but these are emotional topics. People who say politics are not interesting or voting won't change anything or think that the next president, governor, or senator will not make a difference to your lives, think again. Our government is constantly shaping social issues that effect each and every one of our daily lives.
Vote. Be Active. Learn. Speak Up.
Reading the news, polls, debates, and friend's facebook opinions, I find myself falling further and further in despair about the state of my country. The fact that there is a chance that such a conservative, bigoted candidate has a chance of becoming president is just mind boggling to me.
There has been a lot of talk about Mitt Romney, and the Republican Party on the whole, taking huge steps backwards about women's rights. Politicians have tried to make decisions about women's ability to choose what to do with their bodies as well as what opportunities women have in terms of their own sexual health. Mitt Romney has made comments in debates about women needing flexible working hours so they are able to cook dinner and take care of the children. It is astounding that we are in the year 2012 and our nations leaders are still trying to keep women in the kitchen and popping out children.
In regards to LGBT rights and same-sex marriage Mitt Romney's website says "As president, Mitt will not only appoint an Attorney General who will defend the Defence of Marriage Act – a bipartisan law passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton – but he will also champion a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman." Mitt Romney on his values These sort of comments make me really upset on a personal level as well as deeply sad for my country. Not only does Mitt Romney want to defend DOMA (as of course marriage needs to be defended from the gays) he wants to make sure that discrimination is written into the FEDERAL constitution. The same constitution that was made in the name of freedom. This man could be the president of the United States of America. My heart is breaking.
How is Ann Coulter allowed in our media? How could she possibly have such a huge following? I can't say anything more to this without getting insanely angry but please take a look at these articles which give me a little bit of hope. A Special Olympian's response to Ann Coulter's tweet Ann Coulter's response to National Coming Out Day
In addition to the presidential election, there are also of course state elections. Four states will have same-sex marriage on the ballots. Three of these (Maine, Washington, and Maryland) are hoping for marriage equality and the fourth (Minnesota) is trying to stop a marriage ban from being written into the state constitution. These state ballots are so important because state by state we will win this. One day our federal government will have to stand up and say that the LGBT community deserve equal rights... and realize how behind the times the USA is compared to so many countries around the world. Please check out this blog who are campaigning on behalf of these four states. Also, this article by Buzzfeed.
Reading these stories and watching the videos makes me so incredibly emotional. It may be closed minded of me but I CANNOT understand how people do not believe that every person deserves equal rights. My heart physically hurts to think of so many couples who are not allowed to visit their partner in the hospital, struggle for rights to benefits, who are separated because of lack of immigration rights.... so many rights. Although this wasn't the life I would have originally chose for myself I am so thankful to be living in a country where I have the same rights as straight couples, so thankful.
Experiencing an election from outside of the USA is different than the constant immersion of political ads, news, opinions, and discussion. Living outside of the the United States, or even travelling abroad, gives you perspective. It shows you how the US and Americans are seen by the rest of the world. It also shows how different countries and cultures work and run and you are able to see what works better or worse or just differently. When speaking to to my British friends and colleagues about LGBT rights, women's rights, welfare initiatives, health care, or a plethora of other issues they are astounded about how far behind the US really is in so many ways. The USA was always known to be the front runner, pushing boundaries, the country of opportunities but this is changing.
I know this is a jumble of thoughts but these are emotional topics. People who say politics are not interesting or voting won't change anything or think that the next president, governor, or senator will not make a difference to your lives, think again. Our government is constantly shaping social issues that effect each and every one of our daily lives.
Vote. Be Active. Learn. Speak Up.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
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