Believe in Yourself lecture

Recently I went to a lecture put on by Innerspace called Believe in Yourself: Re-Claiming your self-esteem.

I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect, I thought maybe I would have to speak in a group. I shouldn't have worried because it was instead a lecture with a couple of hundred people present. I think this was a good way to start this learning process as it allowed me to get my feet wet without feeling pressured. I was amazed by how many people were there, so many that they had to turn a lot away.

I'm very happy I went as the speaker was funny and interesting and put things in terms easy to understand. Her name was Becky (a plus!) from the Philippines and she was a happy grandmotherly woman who was easy to relate to.

She spoke quite a bit about how your inner self should be the core of your self-esteem instead of building your confidence on external factors such as appearance, job, possessions, etc. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves at any given moment and if its external factors are influencing this it means that your confidence and self belief will be constantly fluctuating. This opened my eyes a bit to the fact that the things I was letting myself get down about are pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. I've always known that I need to love myself first in order to be confident and truly believe in myself but I was (and am) still connecting my self-belief to what I have accomplished instead of what makes me who I am.

I felt like the lecture provided me with a strong foundation to build on theoretically but was missing how to practically implement this into day to day life. It was definitely a refreshing change to my daily routine to listen to someone who is passionate about this way of thinking. It made me remember what I already knew and made me think about things that I had never really thought of before.

A couple of simple but important tips I took from this are...

*What is the first thought you have in the morning when you open your eyes? You will live your day how you start your day. I think this especially important for me with the difficulty I have with mornings :)

*Self-esteem by the speakers definition is about Value, Appreciation, and Honor. She said at least every day, if not more than once, you should ask yourself "What do you value about yourself?" or appreciate or honor. It is especially important when you are feeling low or a bit lost.

On the whole I feel like this lecture opened my eyes a bit more around self-reflection, positive thinking, and separating internal from external factors in my life. I think that it was a refreshing change to the what has become the monotony of my life and it has given me some tools to use invoke the changes I need in my life. I feel like I did get a lot from this experience and it has left me wanting to learn more and to really do some serious self-reflection and growth. I hope that I can keep this high for a bit and continue on this route.

Positive Thinking

Recently I feel like I've been surrounded by people who are preaching (and practicing!) the importance of positive thinking. I have always believed that positive thinking has an impact on physical health and general wellbeing. I also think that if you believe strongly in something it will work out somehow but I'm not sure to which extent I would take this.

My new manager is a big advocate for positive thinking. She told us about how she decided to apply for this job and then surrounded herself with positive thoughts and the strong belief that she will get the post. In the end this helped her to be confident in the interview and she, of course, got the job. When I asked her how she would have felt if she didn't get it, after building herself up for so long ... Her response was "I would have said it wasn't meant to be." She has a vibrant personality and had us all laughing telling us about the whole process including her vision board and seeing the color pink wherever she went. At first it was a laugh and an interesting story but later it got me thinking about what she said.

There were a couple of other occasions when she brought up positive thinking when it came to working with the residents and even when it came to dealing with our emotions towards our roles. It has had an impact on my daily working day and has made me want to explore all of this a bit more.

My friends, who are currently staying with us, are also big advocates for positive thinking. Vaida (http://www.curioussoul.com/) has followed Louise Hay (http://www.louisehay.com/)  and Science of Mind (http://www.scienceofminduk.org/)  a number of years and more recently has been getting herself involved by going to workshops, meditations, and courses. It is interesting to talk through ideas with her and Huw (http://www.degales.com/) and try to figure out where my ideas and understanding fit in. (Sorry about all the links! I want you to be able to expore too!)

To be honest I haven't read enough to have a full grasp on the concepts of positive thinking and specific ideologies that do contribute or advocate for it. I do know that at the moment I struggle with being able to accept certain aspects but I want to read and learn more before hashing those out in writing.

My manager told us about a website http://www.innerspace.org.uk/ that has a thought of the day to help you to explore yourself on a daily basis. This organization also does free courses and workshops. I signed up for my first lecture which I'll be going to tomorrow. It's called Believe in Yourself- Reclaiming your Self Esteem. Although I know it does sound a bit cheesy and I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I feel that I really need more insight in this area, I'm excited to try something new. I think it's time for some true self-reflection and learning to change my negative ways of thinking about myself and the world around. I guess I see this as a start of the journey to become the happy girl I once was and I'm willing to explore different ideas to get there. I'll let you know what I think of it!

writing a novel.. the challenge.

I have so many ideas in my head and I want to move forward with different interests but never seem to move very far forward. I was talking with my little sister last night and said something about wanting to write. She told me that she, my brother, and my mom all have similar dreams. Even to the point of making bets about who will be published first. It's not surprising considering the values of education and reading my mom instilled in us, all four of us kids and my mom are avid readers.

My sister told me about a challenge that she is pushing my mom to do. It's called National Novel Writing Month and the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. From what I gather, it's the quantity and not quality that counts and its purpose is to get you writing without getting lost in the editing and tearing apart. The website is: http://www.nanowrimo.org/  I like the idea behind it and want to give it a try. The one part I'm leery of is uploading your novel at the end to be counted... as I don't think I'm trusting enough for that.

So let's see how it goes...and if it is even possible to write so many words while trying to study and working full time.. but I'm staying positive and not going to count myself out before I've started!

On a side note... I feel sad about missing out on so much with my family but am proud to come from such a creative and inspiring background. It also reminded me of how supportive my parents and siblings have always been and remember this when trying to find my confidence again.

Amsterdam

Before I visited Amsterdam all of what I knew about it amounted to legalized weed, the red light district, Anne Frank's house, and the Van Gogh museum. I had few expectations and was armed with the knowledge that it's small enough to walk everywhere and full of canals.

This trip was different in that we weren't rushing around trying to see all the tourist attractions plus get a taste of the real culture. We read and wrote in cafes, sat along canals, people watched, and ventured outside of the city.

I was really excited for the Van Gogh Museum and would have gone to Amsterdam for just that. Van Gogh has been my favorite artist for quite some time and I was excited about getting to know him and his art better. I enjoyed the museum and looking through his life through the years and  along the way discovered some things about my interests as well. There are many of Van gogh's paintings that did not move me, particularly his earlier work before he started playing with bold colors. All in all I was impressed and happy to be to have experienced that.

Amsterdam is a beautiful city. The canals and hundreds of small bridges coupled with the gabled architecture make for an amazing historic feel. The red light district, restaurants, an shops somehow manage to intermingle without taking away from the feel of the city. The bicycles add the beauty and uniqueness of the city. We were extremely lucky to have had perfect weather for the whole 5 days!

The atmosphere of the city was like a breath of fresh air. Tthe laid back atmosphere of everyone walking down the street is infectious. It was really nice to sit in a cafe and someone asks about the book that you're reading or seeing people help each other out in the street.. it was incredibly refreshing after the fast-paced and sometimes cold vibrations of London.

Riding a dutch bike was fun despite the fact that it seemed to weigh as much as a car. We cycled along the seaside and explored two dutch villages- Marken and Monnickendam and was a really great day.

One of the most memorable days will be the last day. We took a train to Zaanse Schanse to explore the village and see the windmills. The houses and windmills were beautiful and felt so Dutch and I was really happy to have experienced that. If you're going to Amsterdam I think a visit to Zaanse Shanse cannot be missed.!

We got many beautiful pictures throughout the trip! I believe this one pretty much sums up what was great about this trip :)