Binational

When I was still in university I went to a LGBT conference, that I've unfortunately forgotten the name of, and I attended a workshop from an organization who was working to promote immigration equality for same-sex couples. It was during this workshop that I first heard that term "Binational couple" and realized that this label abled to me. I heard a lot of stories about couples who were forced to live apart because they didn't have any options to stay in the same country. At that time I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I did know that there were most likely options for my partner and I to live in the same country. I do feel lucky that we do have an option to live our lives together and have the same rights as heterosexual couples in this country... on the other hand, I feel defeated and downhearted when I think about the fact that I cannot live in my country with my partner unless she is lucky enough to win a green card in the annual lottery.

Whenever I speak to a British or European friend about this dilemma the response is always the same... "But can't you get married in some states there now?" This fact is indeed true as 8 states including the District of Columbia allow same-sex marriages and 4 allow civil unions. This can hardly be a cause for celebration as 29 states have constitutional bans of same-sex marriages (including my very own Wisconsin). There was a lot of cheers and happiness over the recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in New York which is of course is a step in the right direction... but the US as a country is tip-toeing towards what so many other countries have already decided is a just right. And this an issue of equality that should be invoked from the top down. If same-sex partnerships were acknowledged federally it would be possible for some real change to happen within America. As it is now... state decisions on same-sex partnerships has no bearing on immigration.

Speaking of other countries which have granted same-sex couples equal rights... There are currently 10 countries who have legalized gay marriage: The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland and Argentina. Many other countries have same sex civil unions or partnerships including:  U.K., Germany; France; Hungary; Finland;  Denmark;  Austria; Czech Republic; Andorra;  Luxembourg; Ireland; Slovenia; Switzerland, Brazil, Australia, New Zealand, and I've probably missed some but for some reason it is incredibly difficult to find a comprehensive list. I've written out these countries to show the absurdness of the USA not having at least civil unions/partnerships when they should be one of the worlds superpowers.

So back to the original issue, I was happy to hear about the Uniting American Families Act which has been around under several different names since 2000 but then disappointed to find out that it has died in every congress up to now. This is a bill which would give same-sex couples (defined as permanent partnership) the same immigration rights as heterosexual couples. For this year it is currently in the judiciary committee... where it is thought to die yet again. I'm not up on my politics or legislative policy so I can't give much input other than my personal feelings. I was happy to find out that this sort of bill exists despite the lack of same-sex partnership rights on a federal level. It really brings in mixed emotions to if this does become law someday. On one hand I am terribly homesick and would love to move to one of the cities Lina and I have been dreaming of.. but on the other do I really want to live in a country that doesn't recognize our relationship? Do i really want all of the struggle that goes with not being a legally-recognized couple despite our small wedding in February 2007?

In my experience being half of a binational couple is difficult to say the least.. and this is without adding in the legal and immigration components. Two different cultures and languages are joining in the most intimate way possible. Even when language isn't an issue the differences in lifestyle, background, and families on top of the normal differences of personalities and interests. Communication and understanding can be difficult and the relationship requires a lot of work from both sides. This love needs to be fought for within the relationship. Then after you climb that mountain.. you have the immigration issues. You need to find out what your options have and between the two of you choose which is the best. The money and time spent on moving and immigration paperwork is next coupled with leaving your friends and family behind. Of course this doesn't just apply to same-sex couples but any relationship between two people from different countries and cultures. What makes it harder for same-sex couples is less possibilities... in our case not being able to live together in either Lithuania or America... although I will reiterate that we were lucky enough to have the option of moving to the English-speaking UK.

Since moving to the the UK I've struggled with my identity.. not by sexual orientation but my identity as an American. Somehow to this day I am proud to be an American.. cheesy as it may sound. It is my homeland and I like the opportunities, standard of living, and general personalities that go along with that. But the longer I live away the more the negative aspects grow in my mind. The current conservatives in government don't help these matters any. I'm continually disheartened when I look at the American newspapers and am dumbfounded when I hear what comes out of the mouths of Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin.

It is hard for me to put my patriotism into words.. especially when so many others use patriotism to condone discrimination and prejudice. I would not have wanted to grow up in any other country and would love to have the same for my children... I'm just not sure if it will be possible for my children to grow up a carefree kids when the government decides to uphold values that have been perceived from the Bible rather than inherent human rights.

I'm not sure what the answer is for me and my future family.. but I do know that equality needs to be fought for and people shouldn't accept the "place" that they have been forced into by the majority, the cowards, and the hypocrites. America was formed as a country of freedom and somehow over the years has become a government so far rooted in Christianity it can't see clearly anymore... and not the religion itself but certain perceptions within it.

This post has turned into a bit of a muddled rant.. but I suppose it is often difficult to talk about issues that effect you so directly. I hope to write more on these issues in a more structured way a bit later...

Activism

Tonight we watched 'Made in Dagenham' which I knew was about strikes but I thought was and English Comedy. To me it was more the story of strength and standing up for what you believe is right. Although that may sound corny... Seeing films like this and hearing stories of the activism that happened throughout history and continues to happen today is one thing that really inspires me.

In university I was very involved in different equality organizations and you couldn't shut me up about my feelings on inequality and social justice issues.. When I moved to the UK my priorities changed in that I had to concentrate on finding work and generally just surviving.. and then of course when I found work and my life stabilized a bit I haven't been motivated enough to pick up where I left off. Don't get me wrong... my friends and co-workers know what I feel and I will always call someone out about making a judgement or saying things that I feel are inappropriate. Also working with the homeless and now survivors of domestic violence is incredibly rewarding and I'm lucky enough to get paid to help people... but this isn't activism to me.

I currently work with a very passionate woman who is an activist for worker's rights, women's rights, and the issues in Iraq. In the past months she has spoken to parliament, protested outside the US embassy, and spoken at different conferences. I admire her strength in her beliefs and her love of people but I'm not sure I could ever be an activist in that same capacity.

Every once in awhile I read a book or see a film which puts that spark back inside me.. and I hope that this time I don't let it go out without fighting and moving forward within myself. My first step is to send my CV to the LGBT young person's support role I saw advertised this week.. I would really like to get involved in volunteering and I hope this will work out... otherwise I will keep trying :)


"The will to act is a renewable resource." ~ Al Gore

Half of a Yellow Sun

I'm stealing this idea from a friend of mine... but since I do so much reading I thought maybe I'll share some impressions of some books that I read. Here goes!!

Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

This book is set in the Nigeria-Biafra war of 1967-1970 and the years leading up to that point. Although this is fiction I always feel that I learn something from books like this. The authors bring history to life with made-up characters and relationships that live a life that was true to many people during that time.

I thought the characters were well rounded and liked that they showed different lifestyles and perceptions of people during that time. I like the believabity and vulnerability of the relationships and thought it was interesting to see how decisions and tragedies affected those dynamics.

I found myself drawn to the relationship of the twin sisters the most. They had such different personalities and I guess that in their differences and struggles to create their relationship as adults reminded me of my own life in some ways.. and puts things in perspective to what is important and what shouldn't be sacraficed.

The story was based on the war time and of course that meant a lot of loss of belongings, homes, jobs, security, and loved ones. I know this is reality and this is based on a true time in Nigeria's history but I do wish it wasn't so sad...

So if I were to rank it 1-10... I would give this book an 8 only because I found parts in the first half of the book a big slow but I'm definitely glad that I stuck with it :)