Book Reviews

So I've decided to make a seperate blog for book reviews... because it is something I think I really do something with, and I don't want to overrun this blog with it... At the moment all it is are the same reviews I've put on this blog.. but I hope that it will become much more :)  Now to decide to write about any book I read... or just ones I feel are worth it/ or people would be interested in... we'll see..

http://bookishbecky.blogspot.com/

So please check it out later when hopefully it has much more!

Visiting home

Wisconsin summers are unbeatable. Growing up next to a summer holiday town and plenty of nature all around has instilled lots of love for this time of year. So I get so excited every summer when we return for a vacation.

This summer had an  added element of a family wedding. It was the first time in years I got to see all my cousins and the first family gathering where the cousins met as adults. Although the wedding itself was a bit hectic and there was the inevitable family drama, Bobbie was beautiful and the party was so much fun. And to spend time with aunts, uncles, and cousins I haven't seen in ages was priceless. Living so far away from home and now that family members are grown up and spreading throughout the country I feel like I miss a lot of the good and bad times so it was nice to be able to give support and take part in the experience.

The other great part in visiting home is seeing my friends. It has been so difficult to stay in touch the way I would like to. Life moves on and in all different directions. I feel lucky to have a few friends that no matter what is going on in life, when you meet again everything is amazingly certain. There are great conversations and laughter and it is great to know there are people in the world who just get you.. and accept you just how you are. I wish I had more time to spend with those friends this trip.

The part that I always long for is the space, the driving, the comfortable feeling of home, and the nature. I wish that we hadn't gotten to spend more time at the lake and in the sun. I wanted more of a tan and light inside myself I guess :) I was happy with my trip but of course would have liked a bit more.. a bit less running back and forth and more relaxing and just experiencing the weather and space.

What this trip has definitely given me is made me seriously consider doing our long planned road trip next summer. I feel that I don't want to put things off any more.. and just want to make it happen. Experience my country, experience life...  Unfortunately we are getting older and its time to seize the say I suppose :)

Fallen Soldier

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/US/07/02/gay.soldier.andrew.wilfahrt/index.html

A gay man feeling that his place was in the military, working his ass off, and ultimately giving his life for his country and his parents struggle with this loss.


I would be the first to say that I am cry-baby. Give me a good drama or even certain episodes of reality tv and I'll be sitting there with tears rolling down my face. For some reason this doesn't generally apply to reading the news.. until this article. This article definitely struck a cord with my struggles of joining my identity as LGBT with my American nationality... The feeling that in the core of me I'm American born and bred and the patriotism that is tightly enwoven in that and my utter disbelief that the US majority feel that it is true and right to treat the LGBT community as second class citizens.

The timeliness of this is coupled with Minnesota's recent decision to put a gay marriage ban to vote in November 2012, the arguments over whether or not to hold up DOMA, and the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. I would never make a good political anything because it is not possible for me to begin to understand why anyone would feel that their own values and beliefs should take priority over a person's rights.

Please read this.. It's full of raw emotion and I believe that it really puts in perspective everything really... our country was built on the ideals of freedom and every person is created equal.

Binational

When I was still in university I went to a LGBT conference, that I've unfortunately forgotten the name of, and I attended a workshop from an organization who was working to promote immigration equality for same-sex couples. It was during this workshop that I first heard that term "Binational couple" and realized that this label abled to me. I heard a lot of stories about couples who were forced to live apart because they didn't have any options to stay in the same country. At that time I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I did know that there were most likely options for my partner and I to live in the same country. I do feel lucky that we do have an option to live our lives together and have the same rights as heterosexual couples in this country... on the other hand, I feel defeated and downhearted when I think about the fact that I cannot live in my country with my partner unless she is lucky enough to win a green card in the annual lottery.

Whenever I speak to a British or European friend about this dilemma the response is always the same... "But can't you get married in some states there now?" This fact is indeed true as 8 states including the District of Columbia allow same-sex marriages and 4 allow civil unions. This can hardly be a cause for celebration as 29 states have constitutional bans of same-sex marriages (including my very own Wisconsin). There was a lot of cheers and happiness over the recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in New York which is of course is a step in the right direction... but the US as a country is tip-toeing towards what so many other countries have already decided is a just right. And this an issue of equality that should be invoked from the top down. If same-sex partnerships were acknowledged federally it would be possible for some real change to happen within America. As it is now... state decisions on same-sex partnerships has no bearing on immigration.

Speaking of other countries which have granted same-sex couples equal rights... There are currently 10 countries who have legalized gay marriage: The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland and Argentina. Many other countries have same sex civil unions or partnerships including:  U.K., Germany; France; Hungary; Finland;  Denmark;  Austria; Czech Republic; Andorra;  Luxembourg; Ireland; Slovenia; Switzerland, Brazil, Australia, New Zealand, and I've probably missed some but for some reason it is incredibly difficult to find a comprehensive list. I've written out these countries to show the absurdness of the USA not having at least civil unions/partnerships when they should be one of the worlds superpowers.

So back to the original issue, I was happy to hear about the Uniting American Families Act which has been around under several different names since 2000 but then disappointed to find out that it has died in every congress up to now. This is a bill which would give same-sex couples (defined as permanent partnership) the same immigration rights as heterosexual couples. For this year it is currently in the judiciary committee... where it is thought to die yet again. I'm not up on my politics or legislative policy so I can't give much input other than my personal feelings. I was happy to find out that this sort of bill exists despite the lack of same-sex partnership rights on a federal level. It really brings in mixed emotions to if this does become law someday. On one hand I am terribly homesick and would love to move to one of the cities Lina and I have been dreaming of.. but on the other do I really want to live in a country that doesn't recognize our relationship? Do i really want all of the struggle that goes with not being a legally-recognized couple despite our small wedding in February 2007?

In my experience being half of a binational couple is difficult to say the least.. and this is without adding in the legal and immigration components. Two different cultures and languages are joining in the most intimate way possible. Even when language isn't an issue the differences in lifestyle, background, and families on top of the normal differences of personalities and interests. Communication and understanding can be difficult and the relationship requires a lot of work from both sides. This love needs to be fought for within the relationship. Then after you climb that mountain.. you have the immigration issues. You need to find out what your options have and between the two of you choose which is the best. The money and time spent on moving and immigration paperwork is next coupled with leaving your friends and family behind. Of course this doesn't just apply to same-sex couples but any relationship between two people from different countries and cultures. What makes it harder for same-sex couples is less possibilities... in our case not being able to live together in either Lithuania or America... although I will reiterate that we were lucky enough to have the option of moving to the English-speaking UK.

Since moving to the the UK I've struggled with my identity.. not by sexual orientation but my identity as an American. Somehow to this day I am proud to be an American.. cheesy as it may sound. It is my homeland and I like the opportunities, standard of living, and general personalities that go along with that. But the longer I live away the more the negative aspects grow in my mind. The current conservatives in government don't help these matters any. I'm continually disheartened when I look at the American newspapers and am dumbfounded when I hear what comes out of the mouths of Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin.

It is hard for me to put my patriotism into words.. especially when so many others use patriotism to condone discrimination and prejudice. I would not have wanted to grow up in any other country and would love to have the same for my children... I'm just not sure if it will be possible for my children to grow up a carefree kids when the government decides to uphold values that have been perceived from the Bible rather than inherent human rights.

I'm not sure what the answer is for me and my future family.. but I do know that equality needs to be fought for and people shouldn't accept the "place" that they have been forced into by the majority, the cowards, and the hypocrites. America was formed as a country of freedom and somehow over the years has become a government so far rooted in Christianity it can't see clearly anymore... and not the religion itself but certain perceptions within it.

This post has turned into a bit of a muddled rant.. but I suppose it is often difficult to talk about issues that effect you so directly. I hope to write more on these issues in a more structured way a bit later...

Activism

Tonight we watched 'Made in Dagenham' which I knew was about strikes but I thought was and English Comedy. To me it was more the story of strength and standing up for what you believe is right. Although that may sound corny... Seeing films like this and hearing stories of the activism that happened throughout history and continues to happen today is one thing that really inspires me.

In university I was very involved in different equality organizations and you couldn't shut me up about my feelings on inequality and social justice issues.. When I moved to the UK my priorities changed in that I had to concentrate on finding work and generally just surviving.. and then of course when I found work and my life stabilized a bit I haven't been motivated enough to pick up where I left off. Don't get me wrong... my friends and co-workers know what I feel and I will always call someone out about making a judgement or saying things that I feel are inappropriate. Also working with the homeless and now survivors of domestic violence is incredibly rewarding and I'm lucky enough to get paid to help people... but this isn't activism to me.

I currently work with a very passionate woman who is an activist for worker's rights, women's rights, and the issues in Iraq. In the past months she has spoken to parliament, protested outside the US embassy, and spoken at different conferences. I admire her strength in her beliefs and her love of people but I'm not sure I could ever be an activist in that same capacity.

Every once in awhile I read a book or see a film which puts that spark back inside me.. and I hope that this time I don't let it go out without fighting and moving forward within myself. My first step is to send my CV to the LGBT young person's support role I saw advertised this week.. I would really like to get involved in volunteering and I hope this will work out... otherwise I will keep trying :)


"The will to act is a renewable resource." ~ Al Gore

Half of a Yellow Sun

I'm stealing this idea from a friend of mine... but since I do so much reading I thought maybe I'll share some impressions of some books that I read. Here goes!!

Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

This book is set in the Nigeria-Biafra war of 1967-1970 and the years leading up to that point. Although this is fiction I always feel that I learn something from books like this. The authors bring history to life with made-up characters and relationships that live a life that was true to many people during that time.

I thought the characters were well rounded and liked that they showed different lifestyles and perceptions of people during that time. I like the believabity and vulnerability of the relationships and thought it was interesting to see how decisions and tragedies affected those dynamics.

I found myself drawn to the relationship of the twin sisters the most. They had such different personalities and I guess that in their differences and struggles to create their relationship as adults reminded me of my own life in some ways.. and puts things in perspective to what is important and what shouldn't be sacraficed.

The story was based on the war time and of course that meant a lot of loss of belongings, homes, jobs, security, and loved ones. I know this is reality and this is based on a true time in Nigeria's history but I do wish it wasn't so sad...

So if I were to rank it 1-10... I would give this book an 8 only because I found parts in the first half of the book a big slow but I'm definitely glad that I stuck with it :)

Barcelona!

Last week we finally visited Barcelona, Spain!! Last spring we had booked to go with my brother and his girlfriend but the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud prevented that. So now we went with our friend and her small daughter.

The small streets made an impression on me. Whenever I visit a new city in Europe that is what stands out to me the most and Barcelona was full of these! To make the atmosphere more interesting the balconies were full of hanging laundry and flowers. I also enjoyed my first cable car ride with a view of the city, first time wading in the mediterranean, the Font Magica- a fountain with a music and lights show, and of course the architecture and Gaudi art. I really enjoyed Park Guell with it's winding walkways, stone designs, and of course colorful mosaic designs! I wish that it wasn't so hot and crowded so that we could have explored a bit more properly but I really liked what we saw. Also the Sangrada Familia was beautiful. The photos don't fully do it justice. Although it is still unfinished and there are cranes and scaffolding the stonework is beautiful and original. I particularly liked the tree with doves in the middle of the old side. It's different than any other church and the sculptures are all unique not the same you might see on many cathedrals.

My regrets would be not having a nice Spanish meal and not spending more time on the streets with the small shops. They have very beautiful glass work and I would have loved to bring one home. I'm not sure if Barcelona will be on my list of cities to return to.. but I would like to go into the Casa Mila and would like to have a laid back approach to wandering the streets. I will definitely be returning to Spain to to try to get more of a taste of Spanish culture!

(Lina and I in the cable car to the castle)

Changes

I feel that this year is the year of changes for me. We are going to a couple of concerts, traveling, meeting new people. I feel really happy and am now trying to bring that dynamic to my workplace... which is sometimes a negative in my life.

I've done some writing exercises but am a bit stalled. There are other areas I need to work on and I'm doing a little bit of all of them but not throwing myself into any of them. So here's the plan. Over the next two months I am going to...

• Finish at least one research paper for my graduation.



• Do at least 10 writing exercises and blog at least once a week.



• Do 5 units in my Lithunian language book.



• Exercise at least 3 times a week.



• Write emails to my friends from home at least every two weeks.



• Talk to my family once a week.

It's a lot to take on considering the past year.. or years I have been moving as slow as molasses... but I need to. I need to boost my confidence. I need to be that hard working motivated girl I used to be. I need to move forward with my life.

So here goes....

writing?

For a long time I've been thinking about writing... the last couple of years I've shared this with my partner and more recently my friends. This is the year that I'm taking the step. I'm moving past the stage of thinking and occasionally sharing my thoughts.. moving past the stage of buys loads of nice pens and unique journals. I'm going to write.

When I sit down to write it usually comes out as some part of my past.. over-thought and using nice words. I usually dwell on the negatives and growing experiences of my past.. I find these the easiest to write about.

So how to move out of this.. how to use my creativity to create something interesting.. something that lifts the readers spirits and makes them think about the world around them? I know I need to take baby steps... but I want to be able to do this well.

2011 is the year. One day at a time.. one step at a time.

step one: research.