Empower Yourself at Work

Last night I attended a workshop put on by Innerspace called Empower Yourself at Work. I've struggled with my happiness at work and more recently have been struggling with my workload the past month or two. I definitely felt like I could use a pick me up, something to change my mindset around work and maybe a few tips to use to maybe cope a little better.

I was a bit disappointed as the workshop was very similar to the Believe in Yourself lecture I previously attended by Innerspace. But it did remind me about a couple things I should be doing at work to calm my mind and I hope that I can use these things daily to be a bit happier.

The thing that I found especially useful was the Power of Packing Up. It's probably kind of obvious but it means that you don't bring extra thoughts and issues with you throughout the day.. instead you should travel light. This is a tool that also seems to be very useful in going through the journey of life. You choose to deal with your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and issues and then pack up and move on lighter and freer. In the workplace this is about your daily work tasks. Once you finish sending an email or in my case having a keywork session... you take a couple minutes and pack it all up, take a minute to reflect then move on. I find that I very much too often start thinking about what I have to do next while I'm still finishing the task at hand and go on like that throughout the day. Lately I find more and more that I am skipping back and forth between different tasks without completing any right away so my mind is constantly flitting around what I am working on and I'm not being as effective as I used to be.

So this is the new challenge at work. I want to try to be happy in the role that I'm in, the role that I wanted for too long./ I'm afraid that I am living with the idea that the grass is always greener and am quickly forgetting the reasons I do the work in the first place and what I enjoy about it. I need to be calmer within myself in order to move forward and not stay in the rut I've been for too long. I'll let you know how it goes!

Life is a Journey

Life is a Journey by prawkp on polyvore.com

Just a motivational picture I made for one of my clients... It's good to remember that we are in control of our own lives even though sometimes it feels like that's not the case.

Thanksgiving thanks...

Thanksgiving is a big holiday for us Americans, right up there with Christmas. It's a day to spend surrounded by family and eating ridiculous amounts of amazing food. I sadly haven't been home for thanksgiving since 2006 but luckily I have friends who help me to celebrate every year. :)

On facebook some friends are putting up something they are thankful for every day of November and I thought I would take this spirit to my post this Thanksgiving and highlight some things I am thankful for in my life.

I am thankful for my partner who is there for me through the good and the bad and who I hope to spend the rest of my life with.

I am thankful for my parents who raised me to be open-minded and that I could do anything that I set my mind to. Who are always there for any of us no matter how much we messed up.

I am thankful for my sisters and brother who, although we are all very different, I can always depend on and who are the only ones who can truly understand where I'm coming from.

I am thankful for my friends here in London because being so far away from home they have become my family here.

I am thankful for my friends back home in the states because no matter how much time passes I still feel connected and supported.

I am thankful to be doing a job that I like and to have gotten where I wanted to go. This includes being thankful for a steady income that allows me to do things I enjoy including traveling.

I am thankful for the knowledge that no matter what I will be ok because I'm surrounded by caring people and have opportunities to progress and grow.

So this Thanksgiving I hope to have good food with good people... and I hope that I can continue to be grateful every day for who I have in my life and trust myself enough to grow and always be happy.

positivity

positivity by prawkp on polyvore.com

Although I don't always enjoy the Thought of the Day by Innerspace (http://www.innerspace.org.uk/) today's was particularly inspiring. I think it is a phrase most people can do something with. I especially like that it includes holding on to successes as well as failures. I hope you get something from it too!

Vision Board

 polyvore.com

So I've completed my first vision board! I'm pretty excited about how it turned out and really enjoyed the process of putting my goals into art. It was a really nice to have some inspiration and to put these goals again in the forefront of my mind. Now I will put it somewhere I can see it every day and put a bit of positivity into my life.

Self-Care

I've had a particularly grueling past few weeks at work without a moment to reflect or even consider self-care. It's taken its toll on me physically and mentally and I know that I cannot continue on in the way it has been. I stumbled upon a blog exploring self-care today that reminded me what I definitely should have been considering all along. http://selfcarefairy.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-09-25T21%3A36%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7

The nature of the work I do requires that I leave work at work, which of course is easier said than done. I know that I bore my partner with the negative emotions of my day because I'm not processing my feelings like I should, not thinking positively, and not making the time to take care of myself. It's the perfect concoction to lead to burn out and I'm not ready for that yet, or ever hopefully.

So two points that I'm going to start with from Shannon's blog is to write it down and to make a vision board. I need a way to let out my feelings about confidential subjects and in general just release some of the negative emotions that sneak in throughout the day. And the vision board is way for me to sort out what is important to be right now and what I want for my future which I haven't had the time to think through lately.

I'll let you know how it works! but in the meantime check out the link above because I think it's really helpful in starting a journey of self-care.

Wildlife Photographer of the Year

This weekend we went to see the Veolia Environment Wildlife Photographer of the Year Competition at the Natural History Museum. We went last year and were so in awe of the beautiful photographs that we couldn't wait to see this years. We were definitely not let down! The museum does a pretty excellent job of setting it up in the dimly lit room with back lit photos and the captions that the photographers include are pretty inspirational.

If you're in London you should definitely check it out... (Get in two for one with the southern trains brochure!) and if your not check out the website as they have some of the photos online. My favorites are the elephant foot, polar bear, baby monkey, and cuddly monkey... but there are loads of really amazing photos.

http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/temporary-exhibitions/wpy/

Making babies

Last weekend I saw online that there was a gay lifestyle event in central London. I had no idea what it was but since we were in London anyway I thought we should stop by and check it out. It was refreshing that we found not the usual loud music, sparkles, and dating but a more routine approach to LGBT life.

This event was basically stalls with different organizations and companies that can offer services to the LGBT community including housing, children's books, holidays, hate crime services, and (most interesting to me) London Women's clinic which had information about making babies and adoption. Needless to say Lina and I got plenty of literature on the subject.

Although we're not ready to move on to that part of our life, emotionally or financially, it is something that is often on my mind. Unfortunately having a baby is much more difficult for us than the regular heterosexual couple (barring of course those with fertility issues) but it is possible, we are young, and we have choices.

Our conception choices are personal ones but I would like to touch on the fact that in things do happen for a reason. Due to circumstances beyond our control I'm living in London, UK with my partner but life surprises you in ways that you wouldn't have expected. In this instance it is that the UK laws and opportunities make it easier for lesbian couples to have a child and securing parental rights.

In 2004 the UK legalize same-sex Civil Partnerships which gives all of the same legal rights as a marriage, except being able to have the ceremony in a church, and is the reason that my partner and I are allowed to live in the UK together. In April 2009 a law went into effect (Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008) which allows both mothers to be on the child's birth certificate if the parents are in a Civil Partnership or conceive within a clinic. That's great news for us because it means that we don't have to go through the extra loops of 2nd parent adoption. In addition we have the choices of going through the NHS (National Health Service), a private clinic, or conceive at home and although these processes are generally still expensive the costs are significantly lower than if we went through it in the states.

Here in the UK the law is catching up with societal needs and that is comforting at a time when the USA seems to be as stagnant on LGBT issues as ever. This is especially apparent in the areas of immigration and federal acknowledgement of same-sex rights.

Here's a few links that I found helpful in about Lesbian options around conception and parental rights. Egg sharing is also something to think about around receiving IVF in order to help another family out and make your own process more affordable.

http://www.stonewall.org.uk/documents/pregnant_pause_with_cover_2.pdf
http://www.londonwomensclinic.com/
http://www.stonewall.org.uk/at_home/parenting/2625.asp

Believe in Yourself lecture

Recently I went to a lecture put on by Innerspace called Believe in Yourself: Re-Claiming your self-esteem.

I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect, I thought maybe I would have to speak in a group. I shouldn't have worried because it was instead a lecture with a couple of hundred people present. I think this was a good way to start this learning process as it allowed me to get my feet wet without feeling pressured. I was amazed by how many people were there, so many that they had to turn a lot away.

I'm very happy I went as the speaker was funny and interesting and put things in terms easy to understand. Her name was Becky (a plus!) from the Philippines and she was a happy grandmotherly woman who was easy to relate to.

She spoke quite a bit about how your inner self should be the core of your self-esteem instead of building your confidence on external factors such as appearance, job, possessions, etc. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves at any given moment and if its external factors are influencing this it means that your confidence and self belief will be constantly fluctuating. This opened my eyes a bit to the fact that the things I was letting myself get down about are pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. I've always known that I need to love myself first in order to be confident and truly believe in myself but I was (and am) still connecting my self-belief to what I have accomplished instead of what makes me who I am.

I felt like the lecture provided me with a strong foundation to build on theoretically but was missing how to practically implement this into day to day life. It was definitely a refreshing change to my daily routine to listen to someone who is passionate about this way of thinking. It made me remember what I already knew and made me think about things that I had never really thought of before.

A couple of simple but important tips I took from this are...

*What is the first thought you have in the morning when you open your eyes? You will live your day how you start your day. I think this especially important for me with the difficulty I have with mornings :)

*Self-esteem by the speakers definition is about Value, Appreciation, and Honor. She said at least every day, if not more than once, you should ask yourself "What do you value about yourself?" or appreciate or honor. It is especially important when you are feeling low or a bit lost.

On the whole I feel like this lecture opened my eyes a bit more around self-reflection, positive thinking, and separating internal from external factors in my life. I think that it was a refreshing change to the what has become the monotony of my life and it has given me some tools to use invoke the changes I need in my life. I feel like I did get a lot from this experience and it has left me wanting to learn more and to really do some serious self-reflection and growth. I hope that I can keep this high for a bit and continue on this route.

Positive Thinking

Recently I feel like I've been surrounded by people who are preaching (and practicing!) the importance of positive thinking. I have always believed that positive thinking has an impact on physical health and general wellbeing. I also think that if you believe strongly in something it will work out somehow but I'm not sure to which extent I would take this.

My new manager is a big advocate for positive thinking. She told us about how she decided to apply for this job and then surrounded herself with positive thoughts and the strong belief that she will get the post. In the end this helped her to be confident in the interview and she, of course, got the job. When I asked her how she would have felt if she didn't get it, after building herself up for so long ... Her response was "I would have said it wasn't meant to be." She has a vibrant personality and had us all laughing telling us about the whole process including her vision board and seeing the color pink wherever she went. At first it was a laugh and an interesting story but later it got me thinking about what she said.

There were a couple of other occasions when she brought up positive thinking when it came to working with the residents and even when it came to dealing with our emotions towards our roles. It has had an impact on my daily working day and has made me want to explore all of this a bit more.

My friends, who are currently staying with us, are also big advocates for positive thinking. Vaida (http://www.curioussoul.com/) has followed Louise Hay (http://www.louisehay.com/)  and Science of Mind (http://www.scienceofminduk.org/)  a number of years and more recently has been getting herself involved by going to workshops, meditations, and courses. It is interesting to talk through ideas with her and Huw (http://www.degales.com/) and try to figure out where my ideas and understanding fit in. (Sorry about all the links! I want you to be able to expore too!)

To be honest I haven't read enough to have a full grasp on the concepts of positive thinking and specific ideologies that do contribute or advocate for it. I do know that at the moment I struggle with being able to accept certain aspects but I want to read and learn more before hashing those out in writing.

My manager told us about a website http://www.innerspace.org.uk/ that has a thought of the day to help you to explore yourself on a daily basis. This organization also does free courses and workshops. I signed up for my first lecture which I'll be going to tomorrow. It's called Believe in Yourself- Reclaiming your Self Esteem. Although I know it does sound a bit cheesy and I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I feel that I really need more insight in this area, I'm excited to try something new. I think it's time for some true self-reflection and learning to change my negative ways of thinking about myself and the world around. I guess I see this as a start of the journey to become the happy girl I once was and I'm willing to explore different ideas to get there. I'll let you know what I think of it!

writing a novel.. the challenge.

I have so many ideas in my head and I want to move forward with different interests but never seem to move very far forward. I was talking with my little sister last night and said something about wanting to write. She told me that she, my brother, and my mom all have similar dreams. Even to the point of making bets about who will be published first. It's not surprising considering the values of education and reading my mom instilled in us, all four of us kids and my mom are avid readers.

My sister told me about a challenge that she is pushing my mom to do. It's called National Novel Writing Month and the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. From what I gather, it's the quantity and not quality that counts and its purpose is to get you writing without getting lost in the editing and tearing apart. The website is: http://www.nanowrimo.org/  I like the idea behind it and want to give it a try. The one part I'm leery of is uploading your novel at the end to be counted... as I don't think I'm trusting enough for that.

So let's see how it goes...and if it is even possible to write so many words while trying to study and working full time.. but I'm staying positive and not going to count myself out before I've started!

On a side note... I feel sad about missing out on so much with my family but am proud to come from such a creative and inspiring background. It also reminded me of how supportive my parents and siblings have always been and remember this when trying to find my confidence again.

Amsterdam

Before I visited Amsterdam all of what I knew about it amounted to legalized weed, the red light district, Anne Frank's house, and the Van Gogh museum. I had few expectations and was armed with the knowledge that it's small enough to walk everywhere and full of canals.

This trip was different in that we weren't rushing around trying to see all the tourist attractions plus get a taste of the real culture. We read and wrote in cafes, sat along canals, people watched, and ventured outside of the city.

I was really excited for the Van Gogh Museum and would have gone to Amsterdam for just that. Van Gogh has been my favorite artist for quite some time and I was excited about getting to know him and his art better. I enjoyed the museum and looking through his life through the years and  along the way discovered some things about my interests as well. There are many of Van gogh's paintings that did not move me, particularly his earlier work before he started playing with bold colors. All in all I was impressed and happy to be to have experienced that.

Amsterdam is a beautiful city. The canals and hundreds of small bridges coupled with the gabled architecture make for an amazing historic feel. The red light district, restaurants, an shops somehow manage to intermingle without taking away from the feel of the city. The bicycles add the beauty and uniqueness of the city. We were extremely lucky to have had perfect weather for the whole 5 days!

The atmosphere of the city was like a breath of fresh air. Tthe laid back atmosphere of everyone walking down the street is infectious. It was really nice to sit in a cafe and someone asks about the book that you're reading or seeing people help each other out in the street.. it was incredibly refreshing after the fast-paced and sometimes cold vibrations of London.

Riding a dutch bike was fun despite the fact that it seemed to weigh as much as a car. We cycled along the seaside and explored two dutch villages- Marken and Monnickendam and was a really great day.

One of the most memorable days will be the last day. We took a train to Zaanse Schanse to explore the village and see the windmills. The houses and windmills were beautiful and felt so Dutch and I was really happy to have experienced that. If you're going to Amsterdam I think a visit to Zaanse Shanse cannot be missed.!

We got many beautiful pictures throughout the trip! I believe this one pretty much sums up what was great about this trip :)



Book Reviews

So I've decided to make a seperate blog for book reviews... because it is something I think I really do something with, and I don't want to overrun this blog with it... At the moment all it is are the same reviews I've put on this blog.. but I hope that it will become much more :)  Now to decide to write about any book I read... or just ones I feel are worth it/ or people would be interested in... we'll see..

http://bookishbecky.blogspot.com/

So please check it out later when hopefully it has much more!

Visiting home

Wisconsin summers are unbeatable. Growing up next to a summer holiday town and plenty of nature all around has instilled lots of love for this time of year. So I get so excited every summer when we return for a vacation.

This summer had an  added element of a family wedding. It was the first time in years I got to see all my cousins and the first family gathering where the cousins met as adults. Although the wedding itself was a bit hectic and there was the inevitable family drama, Bobbie was beautiful and the party was so much fun. And to spend time with aunts, uncles, and cousins I haven't seen in ages was priceless. Living so far away from home and now that family members are grown up and spreading throughout the country I feel like I miss a lot of the good and bad times so it was nice to be able to give support and take part in the experience.

The other great part in visiting home is seeing my friends. It has been so difficult to stay in touch the way I would like to. Life moves on and in all different directions. I feel lucky to have a few friends that no matter what is going on in life, when you meet again everything is amazingly certain. There are great conversations and laughter and it is great to know there are people in the world who just get you.. and accept you just how you are. I wish I had more time to spend with those friends this trip.

The part that I always long for is the space, the driving, the comfortable feeling of home, and the nature. I wish that we hadn't gotten to spend more time at the lake and in the sun. I wanted more of a tan and light inside myself I guess :) I was happy with my trip but of course would have liked a bit more.. a bit less running back and forth and more relaxing and just experiencing the weather and space.

What this trip has definitely given me is made me seriously consider doing our long planned road trip next summer. I feel that I don't want to put things off any more.. and just want to make it happen. Experience my country, experience life...  Unfortunately we are getting older and its time to seize the say I suppose :)

Fallen Soldier

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/US/07/02/gay.soldier.andrew.wilfahrt/index.html

A gay man feeling that his place was in the military, working his ass off, and ultimately giving his life for his country and his parents struggle with this loss.


I would be the first to say that I am cry-baby. Give me a good drama or even certain episodes of reality tv and I'll be sitting there with tears rolling down my face. For some reason this doesn't generally apply to reading the news.. until this article. This article definitely struck a cord with my struggles of joining my identity as LGBT with my American nationality... The feeling that in the core of me I'm American born and bred and the patriotism that is tightly enwoven in that and my utter disbelief that the US majority feel that it is true and right to treat the LGBT community as second class citizens.

The timeliness of this is coupled with Minnesota's recent decision to put a gay marriage ban to vote in November 2012, the arguments over whether or not to hold up DOMA, and the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. I would never make a good political anything because it is not possible for me to begin to understand why anyone would feel that their own values and beliefs should take priority over a person's rights.

Please read this.. It's full of raw emotion and I believe that it really puts in perspective everything really... our country was built on the ideals of freedom and every person is created equal.

Binational

When I was still in university I went to a LGBT conference, that I've unfortunately forgotten the name of, and I attended a workshop from an organization who was working to promote immigration equality for same-sex couples. It was during this workshop that I first heard that term "Binational couple" and realized that this label abled to me. I heard a lot of stories about couples who were forced to live apart because they didn't have any options to stay in the same country. At that time I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I did know that there were most likely options for my partner and I to live in the same country. I do feel lucky that we do have an option to live our lives together and have the same rights as heterosexual couples in this country... on the other hand, I feel defeated and downhearted when I think about the fact that I cannot live in my country with my partner unless she is lucky enough to win a green card in the annual lottery.

Whenever I speak to a British or European friend about this dilemma the response is always the same... "But can't you get married in some states there now?" This fact is indeed true as 8 states including the District of Columbia allow same-sex marriages and 4 allow civil unions. This can hardly be a cause for celebration as 29 states have constitutional bans of same-sex marriages (including my very own Wisconsin). There was a lot of cheers and happiness over the recent decision to legalize same-sex marriage in New York which is of course is a step in the right direction... but the US as a country is tip-toeing towards what so many other countries have already decided is a just right. And this an issue of equality that should be invoked from the top down. If same-sex partnerships were acknowledged federally it would be possible for some real change to happen within America. As it is now... state decisions on same-sex partnerships has no bearing on immigration.

Speaking of other countries which have granted same-sex couples equal rights... There are currently 10 countries who have legalized gay marriage: The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland and Argentina. Many other countries have same sex civil unions or partnerships including:  U.K., Germany; France; Hungary; Finland;  Denmark;  Austria; Czech Republic; Andorra;  Luxembourg; Ireland; Slovenia; Switzerland, Brazil, Australia, New Zealand, and I've probably missed some but for some reason it is incredibly difficult to find a comprehensive list. I've written out these countries to show the absurdness of the USA not having at least civil unions/partnerships when they should be one of the worlds superpowers.

So back to the original issue, I was happy to hear about the Uniting American Families Act which has been around under several different names since 2000 but then disappointed to find out that it has died in every congress up to now. This is a bill which would give same-sex couples (defined as permanent partnership) the same immigration rights as heterosexual couples. For this year it is currently in the judiciary committee... where it is thought to die yet again. I'm not up on my politics or legislative policy so I can't give much input other than my personal feelings. I was happy to find out that this sort of bill exists despite the lack of same-sex partnership rights on a federal level. It really brings in mixed emotions to if this does become law someday. On one hand I am terribly homesick and would love to move to one of the cities Lina and I have been dreaming of.. but on the other do I really want to live in a country that doesn't recognize our relationship? Do i really want all of the struggle that goes with not being a legally-recognized couple despite our small wedding in February 2007?

In my experience being half of a binational couple is difficult to say the least.. and this is without adding in the legal and immigration components. Two different cultures and languages are joining in the most intimate way possible. Even when language isn't an issue the differences in lifestyle, background, and families on top of the normal differences of personalities and interests. Communication and understanding can be difficult and the relationship requires a lot of work from both sides. This love needs to be fought for within the relationship. Then after you climb that mountain.. you have the immigration issues. You need to find out what your options have and between the two of you choose which is the best. The money and time spent on moving and immigration paperwork is next coupled with leaving your friends and family behind. Of course this doesn't just apply to same-sex couples but any relationship between two people from different countries and cultures. What makes it harder for same-sex couples is less possibilities... in our case not being able to live together in either Lithuania or America... although I will reiterate that we were lucky enough to have the option of moving to the English-speaking UK.

Since moving to the the UK I've struggled with my identity.. not by sexual orientation but my identity as an American. Somehow to this day I am proud to be an American.. cheesy as it may sound. It is my homeland and I like the opportunities, standard of living, and general personalities that go along with that. But the longer I live away the more the negative aspects grow in my mind. The current conservatives in government don't help these matters any. I'm continually disheartened when I look at the American newspapers and am dumbfounded when I hear what comes out of the mouths of Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin.

It is hard for me to put my patriotism into words.. especially when so many others use patriotism to condone discrimination and prejudice. I would not have wanted to grow up in any other country and would love to have the same for my children... I'm just not sure if it will be possible for my children to grow up a carefree kids when the government decides to uphold values that have been perceived from the Bible rather than inherent human rights.

I'm not sure what the answer is for me and my future family.. but I do know that equality needs to be fought for and people shouldn't accept the "place" that they have been forced into by the majority, the cowards, and the hypocrites. America was formed as a country of freedom and somehow over the years has become a government so far rooted in Christianity it can't see clearly anymore... and not the religion itself but certain perceptions within it.

This post has turned into a bit of a muddled rant.. but I suppose it is often difficult to talk about issues that effect you so directly. I hope to write more on these issues in a more structured way a bit later...

Activism

Tonight we watched 'Made in Dagenham' which I knew was about strikes but I thought was and English Comedy. To me it was more the story of strength and standing up for what you believe is right. Although that may sound corny... Seeing films like this and hearing stories of the activism that happened throughout history and continues to happen today is one thing that really inspires me.

In university I was very involved in different equality organizations and you couldn't shut me up about my feelings on inequality and social justice issues.. When I moved to the UK my priorities changed in that I had to concentrate on finding work and generally just surviving.. and then of course when I found work and my life stabilized a bit I haven't been motivated enough to pick up where I left off. Don't get me wrong... my friends and co-workers know what I feel and I will always call someone out about making a judgement or saying things that I feel are inappropriate. Also working with the homeless and now survivors of domestic violence is incredibly rewarding and I'm lucky enough to get paid to help people... but this isn't activism to me.

I currently work with a very passionate woman who is an activist for worker's rights, women's rights, and the issues in Iraq. In the past months she has spoken to parliament, protested outside the US embassy, and spoken at different conferences. I admire her strength in her beliefs and her love of people but I'm not sure I could ever be an activist in that same capacity.

Every once in awhile I read a book or see a film which puts that spark back inside me.. and I hope that this time I don't let it go out without fighting and moving forward within myself. My first step is to send my CV to the LGBT young person's support role I saw advertised this week.. I would really like to get involved in volunteering and I hope this will work out... otherwise I will keep trying :)


"The will to act is a renewable resource." ~ Al Gore

Half of a Yellow Sun

I'm stealing this idea from a friend of mine... but since I do so much reading I thought maybe I'll share some impressions of some books that I read. Here goes!!

Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

This book is set in the Nigeria-Biafra war of 1967-1970 and the years leading up to that point. Although this is fiction I always feel that I learn something from books like this. The authors bring history to life with made-up characters and relationships that live a life that was true to many people during that time.

I thought the characters were well rounded and liked that they showed different lifestyles and perceptions of people during that time. I like the believabity and vulnerability of the relationships and thought it was interesting to see how decisions and tragedies affected those dynamics.

I found myself drawn to the relationship of the twin sisters the most. They had such different personalities and I guess that in their differences and struggles to create their relationship as adults reminded me of my own life in some ways.. and puts things in perspective to what is important and what shouldn't be sacraficed.

The story was based on the war time and of course that meant a lot of loss of belongings, homes, jobs, security, and loved ones. I know this is reality and this is based on a true time in Nigeria's history but I do wish it wasn't so sad...

So if I were to rank it 1-10... I would give this book an 8 only because I found parts in the first half of the book a big slow but I'm definitely glad that I stuck with it :)

Barcelona!

Last week we finally visited Barcelona, Spain!! Last spring we had booked to go with my brother and his girlfriend but the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud prevented that. So now we went with our friend and her small daughter.

The small streets made an impression on me. Whenever I visit a new city in Europe that is what stands out to me the most and Barcelona was full of these! To make the atmosphere more interesting the balconies were full of hanging laundry and flowers. I also enjoyed my first cable car ride with a view of the city, first time wading in the mediterranean, the Font Magica- a fountain with a music and lights show, and of course the architecture and Gaudi art. I really enjoyed Park Guell with it's winding walkways, stone designs, and of course colorful mosaic designs! I wish that it wasn't so hot and crowded so that we could have explored a bit more properly but I really liked what we saw. Also the Sangrada Familia was beautiful. The photos don't fully do it justice. Although it is still unfinished and there are cranes and scaffolding the stonework is beautiful and original. I particularly liked the tree with doves in the middle of the old side. It's different than any other church and the sculptures are all unique not the same you might see on many cathedrals.

My regrets would be not having a nice Spanish meal and not spending more time on the streets with the small shops. They have very beautiful glass work and I would have loved to bring one home. I'm not sure if Barcelona will be on my list of cities to return to.. but I would like to go into the Casa Mila and would like to have a laid back approach to wandering the streets. I will definitely be returning to Spain to to try to get more of a taste of Spanish culture!

(Lina and I in the cable car to the castle)

Changes

I feel that this year is the year of changes for me. We are going to a couple of concerts, traveling, meeting new people. I feel really happy and am now trying to bring that dynamic to my workplace... which is sometimes a negative in my life.

I've done some writing exercises but am a bit stalled. There are other areas I need to work on and I'm doing a little bit of all of them but not throwing myself into any of them. So here's the plan. Over the next two months I am going to...

• Finish at least one research paper for my graduation.



• Do at least 10 writing exercises and blog at least once a week.



• Do 5 units in my Lithunian language book.



• Exercise at least 3 times a week.



• Write emails to my friends from home at least every two weeks.



• Talk to my family once a week.

It's a lot to take on considering the past year.. or years I have been moving as slow as molasses... but I need to. I need to boost my confidence. I need to be that hard working motivated girl I used to be. I need to move forward with my life.

So here goes....

writing?

For a long time I've been thinking about writing... the last couple of years I've shared this with my partner and more recently my friends. This is the year that I'm taking the step. I'm moving past the stage of thinking and occasionally sharing my thoughts.. moving past the stage of buys loads of nice pens and unique journals. I'm going to write.

When I sit down to write it usually comes out as some part of my past.. over-thought and using nice words. I usually dwell on the negatives and growing experiences of my past.. I find these the easiest to write about.

So how to move out of this.. how to use my creativity to create something interesting.. something that lifts the readers spirits and makes them think about the world around them? I know I need to take baby steps... but I want to be able to do this well.

2011 is the year. One day at a time.. one step at a time.

step one: research.